An over the top ode to my flute

A love story for my missing flute.

I miss my Burkart 998. It is currently getting its annual adjustments along with a bath and polish. We have had a partnership for just about ten years. Through the joys and even the saddest moments of my life, this flute has been a permanent fixture. 

Today I woke up and realized. I chose this flute and its flute maker because it was made to stand out. It was made to be a bit brilliant. It was not made to simply fit in. At least for me. It was made to shine its own light. As a musician who tried to fit in multiple groups, orchestras, I knew that my career was going to be a bit different. And it is! This instrument is powerful, expressive, open to the new, helps to discover new music as well as rediscover music that once was new. It’s keys move so fast my fingers delight in moving as fast as they can. It’s large resonant sound contrasting with the softness reflects my soul. It responds to every breath, nuance, speed, octave as if to say yes! Let’s dance. And when we are done, I say 

let’s do it again soon. 

It is my joy. 

Through twinkle twinkle little stars, popular tunes like blackbird, soulful hymns, and Shulamit Ran’s Birds of Paradise, it is my joy.

When it’s broken or needs a bit of repair, I feel broken. 

When it is restored I feel whole again. 

Two years ago I tried to sell it. Under the guise of unsuccessfully trying to fit-in and fix things in my life I incorrectly blamed my instrument. At the very last moment I realized for awhile longer, this flute is mine. I need to love it a bit more. Our time together has not come to an end yet. In the quietness of my music room, I slowly rediscovered the beauty of my flute- ultimately finding my footing once again in this world.

I believe the flute we choose, especially at this level, reflects our values. When we get off track, it let’s us know. That means we need to be sensitive to our instrument and sensitive to ourselves. Yes, values can change, perhaps then, if our flutes cannot adapt, our flutes need to as well. For me, I realize now that the values I held onto ten years ago are still core to where I am heading today. My flute fits in well. Sometimes more than I deserve.

In fact, the values I had at the age of seven while selecting my very first flute still aligns with who I am today. With concrete fondness, I remember the moment I saw and heard the flute for the first time. I remember tugging on my moms skirt at six years of age whispering what is that? Then declaring, I want to play it. I remember our trip to a local music store a few days later for my seventh birthday in Miami Florida where I was treated to bright shiny new flutes displayed in the case. But the one that caught my eye was the dark brilliant flute that was different. “That one,” I said decisively. With the help of my new flute teacher, I played the first of many notes during my first lesson another few days later. That beautiful Gemeinhardt provided a rich dark sound that I still love to this day. It stood out. It was perfect for me. 

Gemeinhardt Black Nickel 2NP student flute.

It’s the same feeling I have when playing my Burkart 998 thirty years later. I love the dark yet brilliant and powerful sound. I love its sensitivity. My flute choice reflected who I was back then and it now reflects who I am now. It is where I need to be and its a good place and good relationship.

photo by flute specialists.com - this Muramatsu flute is also available there :)

As I dramatically mourn my instrument, I have the pleasure of enjoying another for awhile. I am learning how to let it speak, embracing the rich warmth, and softness it prefers. As I play it each day I learn a bit more about it, reveling in the gold and homogeneous sounds through the registers. Yet, I am very much aware that although this flute is gorgeous and special for another, it is not mine. It teaches me new nuances that I can’t wait to bring to my own instrument when it returns. 

You may be thinking, wow she is attached-and you’re right. My love of this instrument and music as a whole is because of the community of flutes who continue to reveal themselves at the right time in my life

- the church flutist who unknowingly introduced me to this world, flute makers who strive to make a better instrument to better represent music and each individual musician, to the group of teachers who helped this young musician find her musical voice- whether I agreed with them or not, and finally to the repair technicians who help maintain our instruments and who may not realize they are repairing our souls too- they are to be cherished.

So yes, I treasure the moments I can add breath to the inanimate object and am excited when it brilliantly responds. This object is my vessel through which my emotions are shared with others - but mainly myself. I am thankful for my instrument and those that have taken care of it over the years.